Using mutual friend networks, shared interests, comment counts, posting frequency, some made up shit, the number of pornographic words used in your top 5 public posts, your age, a dash of fudge factor, number of LJ icons, length of text in your bio, the number of your friends who have posted a comment containing the word "crack" in the past week or 1000 comments (whichever is smaller), the number of interests you have in common with poisonkitty or any of his friends, the percieved strength of your online body odor, the number and types of quizzes and polls posted in your journal (and the answers you gave), the age of your account, your account status (free, paid, old-school, etc), the number of communities you belong to, the city/state/country you live in, your age, the size of your personal website in terms of pornographic words,...
I will calculate an ultimate number that sums up your total existence on LiveJournal. It will be a mere number that you will walk around with like a red badge of courage to tell the world just how "cool" poisonkitty thinks you are. This will be similar to hot-rod dorks who post their "quarter-mile" times on their cars or school-geeks who wear their college GPAs on their resume cover sheets. You will be able to ridicule others who have an inferior number to yours. You will make LJ icons advertising the fact like an IQ score or Mensa membership bumper sticker. Neither the amount of cash in your bank account nor the type of car you drive will do more to get you laid than this very number. The lj_everything number will score your existence in this world more than any other metric with which you could possibly be measured.
It will be completed in 2 weeks ;)
I originally posted this in brindle's journal here as a comment. I thought it warranted it's own entry.
Can you think of any other things to include in this calculation? Please add them here!